“We looked at my father as in the picture, and he didn’t see us. We just lost, and the cat was more important than that. ”- Real Life

photo: Adobe Stock, Africa Studio

The wooden, torn chair crackled with warning as it suddenly moved. He held out his hand and gently stroked the cat’s gray hair … I was surprised when my father called me, I didn’t expect him to call.

He was always waiting for one of us to call or come in. Maciek and I fled like fire, pushed ourselves to visit, and now we were arguing about who was next. My father and I kept in touch, not out of love, but out of duty.

– Why should he visit him, he is not even happy to see us – a rebellious brother. – He should too, because we do not owe him anything, but we take care of him. No, I’m sorry, he said. – I owe him therapy, thanks to which I came out of the deep hole that my father pushed me without thinking. He should not have children like that.

I knew what Maciek was saying

My father never drank, never raised his hand to my mother or to us. He used words, using a complex technique that deprived us of the confidence that we intended and could do anything.
If we were two losers for him, how did the strangers see us?

– I remember being ashamed of what I saw, I was suffering on the street, I was afraid that passers-by would see what he did, an awkward girl who acted like an elephant – I dug memories that I tried not to think.

– I did not hear him criticize your figure – Maciek was surprised.

It wasn’t necessary, I could see the dissatisfaction in their eyes.

– The fact that he is a world champion!

She once said that if I had cut my legs, I would never have found a lover. It seems like nonsense, but it stuck inside me. Like a poisoned arrow.

“It hit, it sank,” Maciek concluded. – Do you know what the therapist told me? That father was very important to me and to us, and therefore his behavior left a mark on us.

– He also came to mind! Every parent is important to the child.

– But he was a special one, we really wanted to be worthy of his grace, even the shadow of approval, any attention. don’t you remember Our old man had charisma and authority, people loved and listened to him. We looked at him as in the picture, but he did not feel us.

– It was like that outside, he closed the miracle barn at home and pretended that we bothered him.

– If I didn’t know him and didn’t know what you were talking about, I would say that you are exaggerating. I had to explain to the therapist what was wrong with him. He did not panic, drank normally and only socialized, met the needs of the family, was just perfect. And we are ungrateful …

– My mother felt like us, she just hid it. He was also cold to her, only he was dignified endured his fate.

– She is closed to herself, she suffered in marriage and had children she could not look after.

He did not stop stroking the kitten’s fur …

Until I jump.

“Are you defending him?”

– I try to understand it to eliminate my hatred, therapistHe said that I should strive for it, otherwise I will never be free from it.

– Then try, brother and I mocked and changed the subject to inform you of your work. – Do you know that my father called me?

– Impossible, isn’t it? It must be something very important, otherwise he would not pick up the phone. Maybe something happened.

– I will go and find out what is happening.

I was still sitting in front of him how to caress a gray cat. The gestures were still nothing, and I was saddened by the look on his face, a look I had never seen before.

– Is my father well? I asked sternly to find out why he was calling me, to settle down and leave quickly.

– Not bad for my age.

How did he get here? Maciek and I could not keep animals, my father said that the apartment was a prison for a dog.

“Did I tell you?” I do not remember, sorry, multiple sclerosis. The neighbor found her in the basement and gave me an injection, saying that for a while Kitty would heal her cat’s nose … She has another cat and doesn’t want her to get infected.

– Did my father just take the sick cat to the apartment to get tired? I can’t believe he’s not like my father.

– It was good, but now I’m satisfied. She is so charming. We need people so that someone likes it.

I could not stand this nonsense

I’m out of words. See what conclusions he was able to drawto eat. Finally, he felt it was fun to be accepted by at least one animal.

“It didn’t do you much good, did it?” Don’t cover yourself up, I know how it is, ‘he said, suddenly surprising me.

“What does my father say?” I protested instinctively.

– I’m right, only one I see now. I could be different, for example … ”He looked at the kitten.

– Isn’t it too late for the exam of conscience? Maciek and I are both 40 years old, and what happened will not be reversed.

“I did my best to raise you as a human being.” You don’t know how hard it is to be a father, “he said softly.

– Some may.

– Maybe they have other children.

I thought I heard wrong. He again blamed us for his mistakes.

– You and Maciek didn’t like me very much, did you? I have always felt it. It was hard to reach you.

– Why did my father call me? To tell me that? The father knows this is not true.

– What else could you say? – sighed with resignation, which surprised me a lot; I didn’t know him that way.

I wanted to tell him that Maciek and I were waiting for a sign from him, a sign that he loves us and needs us, but many years of experience have silenced me. I could talk to my brother about it but not intentionally.

I was ashamed to show my love to him, I was afraid that he would ignore me as before and reject me again.

We failed

“I wanted to ask you something very important,” he said, and looked at me. – I would like Kitty to stay with me, I will not give it to my neighbor. He is so kind, very loving and so beautiful thank you for everything I did for her. I need him and he needs me, there is only one problem.

I was silent, shocked by what he said. The cat taught my father to love and talk about them. Maciek and I couldn’t do it. My father believed that we did not love him, that we were of the same opinion about him. So many wasted years! Why didn’t we meet halfway?

“I don’t have much life, someone has to take care of Kitty. Will you do that? Not for me, but for him. Have you always liked animals.

– I will do it for you.

I said it harshly and firmly so that he would finally understand.

– Thank you very much.

And that’s it. He did not notice the outstretched hand. I got up from my chair, there was no point in waiting for a kind word.

– I will be there for two daysYou have a meeting with a doctor – I remembered dry.

– My lovely daughter.

He said so softly that I was not sure I had heard anything wrong. He looks at the kitten, caresses the animal with love, was talking to him?

On the contrary, yes, what was I waiting for? At the age of fifty, I was on the wings of the wind, and I was still fed up with hope as a teenager.

As long as our parents are alive, we are still children, – I thought and went to the hall. But my father threw his beloved and followed me.

Hardened for an indefinite moment

– Alinka, tell Maciye not to worry about me anymore. I don’t have much time left.

“I’ll tell you, Dad,” I said and kissed him on the cheek.

Feelings were buzzing inside me, but I had nothing to say to him. I failed. On the opposite side of the stairs, I met Mrs. Tereniya, who gave my father a cat.

– The father is a unique person, he is old, but understand that ho ho! He is also so caring that when he saw this poverty, he immediately said that he would take care of it. I looked at him to see if I needed anything, but he was doing great. Cats are very attached to it … Cats can see a person from the inside, they can’t hide anything from them. They see more than people.

“You’re right,” I said, and with my keys I opened the door of my father’s house, where my father was waiting for me.

I was right, he didn’t go far, he was still standing in the hall. I walked over to her and hugged her fragile arms tightly. He hardened indefinitely, then returned to my arms.

“We’ll both come to you tomorrow, Dad, and Maciek would like to see the cat,” I said softly.

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