– I often kiss Justina on the head and forehead. We talk about it, but not much, because it is our daily life. You know, I really like his hairless head. I believe that she has a sensational skull shape and a beautiful oval face, she is good without hair. The bald head is not a fetish for me, I would not want it to be accepted – says David Prządek, a partner of Justina, who suffers from alopecia isata, and one of the protagonists of Martha Kawczyńska’s book “Women of alopecia. Stories of bald women.” .
- – One day he said let me show you something. He took photos of her hairless. He did this in the first stroke of the disease. In this way, he revealed his “secret” to me – says David
- – I liked that he does not do anything. He told the boy like a straight boy, “I didn’t have hair, maybe.” The end. Period – he says
- Justina’s mother tried to warn her that Justina may not have hair yet because she has such a disease. – I replied that I know about this unpleasant episode for him and it does not bother me at all; hair is just hair and I want to be with it – she emphasizes
- More extracts from the books can be found on the Onet homepage
The protagonists of the book “Women with alopecia. Stories of bald women” are women who do not cover their “bald head” lives. Although it was not easy, they fought the demons and won. They fulfill themselves professionally, pursue their passions and build successful relationships. Most often, they refute the stereotype that “a woman should have hair.”
Alopecia Areata, or alopecia areata, affects 2 percent, according to the American Hair Loss Association 2017. world population. The number of bald people, especially women, is growing every year. Scientists and doctors do not know the cause of this disease. There is no single effective therapy for this. Sometimes the hair stretches, but sometimes it does not return. Learning to live with it remains “only” or perhaps “how much”.
“The eternal truth is that if you love yourself, others will love you,” we publish an interview with Justina’s partner, David Prządek, who suffers from alopecia areata. The interview was published in Martha Kawczyńska’s book “Alopecians. Stories of Bald Women”.
At the beginning of our conversation, if I asked you to finish the sentence: “Bald woman …”
David Prządek: A bald woman … she’s just bald. There is no hair on his head. Nothing more. I do not judge or determine this in any way. I’m not saying this just because my husband has alopecia areata. I just think that who they look like, what they wear, what they wear is their business. Maybe it’s the result of an illness, or maybe it’s a style.
As a boy, do you say that you don’t pay attention to a woman’s appearance and hairstyle?
It may seem strange, but I never think I’m a typical visual learner. I’m more of a character. I like it when a woman knows what she wants and, above all, when she is herself. That’s right, Justina, my partner.
And when someone asks you, do you like blondes or brunettes?
My answer is that I love Justina’s sheer hair color.
When did you meet Justina, who no longer had hair?
He was short. At that moment, her hair began to grow back, and then she began to lose it again. You can say that I witnessed this process that he had to face again. Once he had hair, sometimes he didn’t; one cake grew, but another came out; over and over again. As I mentioned, Justina had a short haircut at that time. I must admit that I liked it very much. If you squeezed me and asked me what hair I prefer in women, I would probably say short in the end. This was not the main reason or priority for me to fall in love with Justina. I did not look at her through the prism of her hair.
What was it like when Justina started losing her hair?
We became parents for the first time. Our daughter was born. I was convinced that all this was stress, the first few days as a new mother, anxiety for the baby and sleepless nights. I thought it was temporary and that everything would return to normal in an instant. Justina knew about her illness and what had happened. I saw that it was a little ruined. He knew very well that his hair would never come back. I was worried about him, but I was sure he could handle it. He is a very strong man; for this, among others, I appreciate and admire him.
How did you know he was suffering from alopecia areata?
One day he said, “Let me show you something.” He took photos of her hairless. He did this in the first stroke of the disease. At first, I did not fully understand what he meant. I looked at the photo and after a while I realized that Justina had no hair on her head. In this way, he revealed his “secret” to me.
There was no scene like melodrama?
no We need to explain it in simple military words. We understand clear messages. I liked that he was not in a hurry. He told the boy like a straight boy, “I didn’t have hair, maybe.” The end. The point.
Didn’t you panic?
I had no reason. I remember, Justina’s mother, I met my future mother-in-law, whom I liked very much. We talked, and all of a sudden I heard, “David, did you know that Justina didn’t have hair yet, and maybe? Does she have such a disease?” I replied that I was aware of this unpleasant episode for him, and that it did not bother me at all; hair is just hair and I want to be with it. I liked him, I liked his character, his personality. Appearance was of secondary importance, because I will not be beautiful and young for the rest of my life. If you want to be with someone, I think you have to answer whether you want to grow old or not. The appearance of a woman has never been important to me, I consider this approach sexist and shallow.
Your friends didn’t call you “moral”: “Why do you go in?”, “Why do you need a bald chicken?”.
Fortunately, I do not have such friends. I don’t think any of my friends would come to me and say such absurd things. Yes, it happened that they asked, but more about whether it is cancer, because, as you know, the lack of hair is mainly associated with this disease. Still, few people know that alopecia isata is a disease. Once we were on the playground with Justina and the children. Suddenly a little boy came to Justina without embarrassment and said, “You’re bald, you have cancer.” We began to explain that there are other diseases that cause hair loss.
Have you ever had to defend Justina?
This strange neighbor lives next to us. A woman in her fifties. The reason is unknown, but it does not digest Justina. There were sloppy expressions by him, such as: “You would put something on that bald man’s head.” He became more and more aggressive, so we finally called the police. It turned out that the neighbor already has a blue card.
Did you have to “get used” to your hairless head?
no I can joke that I meet smoothly. I often kiss Justina’s head and forehead. We talk about it, but not much, because it is our daily life. You know, I really like his hairless head. I believe that she has a sensational skull shape and a beautiful oval face, she is good without hair. Being bald is not a fetish for me, I would not want it to be accepted that way. I do not spare Justina’s loving and compassionate gestures. I try to be there for her, to support her when she needs help. Although Justina hides her feelings, she has a strong character, which shows that she is experiencing it. Before dating, I did not know anyone who struggled with alopecia areata.
Why do you love Justina?
As I mentioned, this is not necessarily for the hair, nor for lack of it. I am a divorced boy, with a so-called recovery. I knew which woman I was looking for. I like Justina’s courage and strength of character, she is very creative. I love his protection.
Are you afraid that your children will get alopecia areata?
Of course, genes can also play a role here, but I hope we can get away with it. When I think about it, it’s in the context of supporting children, when – maybe – the disease will appear. Justina and I would do anything to make them feel loved and accepted. In such cases, the most important thing is the will to fight.
Have you ever felt powerless?
Then when we use all possible treatments, including consultation with dermatologists abroad. I realized that nothing could be done, and I felt a kind of failure. Justina did not expect a miracle, she was reconciled to the fact that her hair would not return, but the last hope was gone. I don’t think Justina will ever break up to the point where she doesn’t want to get out of bed. This is not his style. Sometimes he will fall, he will cry for a while, but then he will get up and continue.
Don’t you treat his bald head in terms of disability?
I have been in contact with people with disabilities since childhood. When I was 13, my mother had a stroke. I went to physical therapy to find out how to help her. I have never felt sorry for the disabled. I know there are some obstacles that they can’t overcome, they need help, but you can’t convince them, for example, that they are sicker than them. It is known that it is very difficult without legs or arms, but you can really live without hair.
Many women are afraid that no one will love them because of this lack of hair.
This is a matter of approach. I had a difficult youth. After a serious car accident, I was hospitalized with a completely crippled face. For the first two years, I couldn’t control myself. I changed, it was a big shock for me. I had to tame the new look to start working normally. It was difficult. I didn’t like myself either, it seemed to me that nothing good was waiting for me anymore. However, I rebuilt my will to live. When a man finds her, nothing can stop him – no hand loss, no hair loss. The eternal truth is that you love yourself, and others will love you.
However, there are those of your gender who run away when they hear that a woman has no hair, or ask strange questions such as whether you are sexually compatible if you do not have hair.
There is a beautiful saying: “Because all the shame is that they both want at the same time.” Everyone is looking for their own happiness. I believe that in the life of every girl – with or without hair – there will come a moment when she will look like the right person. It is not worth raping him. You have to do what you want, not think much and know what you want. I admit one thing. I wrote about the characteristics of the woman I wanted to spend my life with. I found Justina.
What would you say to hairless women from the bottom of your heart?
They always go on and don’t worry about their looks. It all really starts from the beginning. If you accept yourself, others will accept you. No one has the right to tell you how to live. I understand that hair loss is a shock, a massacre, a tragedy for many of you. However, do not give in to bad emotions. That’s what my Justin did, 90 percent. life doesn’t think she doesn’t have hair. He works and lives. That’s why I love him.
“Alopecians. Stories of bald women” by Martha Kawczyńska
Photo: Press materials